Sea – Change
“Here I am, on the porch, and that feels fitting: outside as opposed to in, watching the water and the trees, listening to the music of the waves and the wind.” Those were the very first words I read, as I opened my book by Shauna Niequist – Present Over Perfect. What a coincidence! Here I am, sitting on a small porch, overlooking the ocean – and in the background, the rhythmic and distinctive sound of the waves pounding the sandy shoreline. Ok, so maybe this book is written for me.
This weekend, I had the opportunity to get away with some girlfriends and stay in a beautiful beachside villa. Our plan for the weekend – absolutely nothing, except rest, recharge and have fun. The timing of this trip couldn’t have been any better.
My life (well most of the time lately) has become frantic and frayed – leaving me fatigued and longing for rest, peace and self-love. It was only until my level of pain and irritation from exhaustion was high enough that I realized that something needs to change. Ok listen – even the smallest little things - a red light on my way to work, were almost my greatest irritations … ya, that red light should know I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to stop … #notgood 😬
I was no longer giving my best energy to the things outside of myself. I believed (for real) I was fine (I’m not), and I tried to prove that my busyness was productive – in reality, I was proving nothing except a lack of self care and quickly I was feeling defeated mentally and physically. The more I did, the less I gave. I’ve disconnected myself by being too busy, too anxious, too tired, and was hooked on the drug of productivity – keep doing, keep going, keep producing.
It brought me to a point of feeling overwhelmed, STUFFED, and drained, and the things that I would normally enjoy doing felt like obligations – dinners, meetings, hangouts. Saying “no” is not in my nature – without the feelings of guilt tagging along. If I had to say “no,” it was followed with my own internal dialogue about how I let someone down, or that I’m not a good enough friend or family member … and the faulty thinking goes on and on and on. This type of negative rumination is draining – and might I add, not beneficial. 🙅🏽
Secretly, my deepest desires involved sleep (they still do), an empty calendar and to be left alone.
As author Shauna Niequist writes, “The very thing that makes you you, that makes you great, that makes you different from everyone else is also the very thing that, unchecked will ruin you.” For me, always giving myself to others, to work, and to activities that don’t necessarily fill my cup, has affected the way I care for myself, and while it was unchecked for some time, I now have a greater awareness of what I need to do for ME – so that I can give my best to others.
Just as the season has changed (yes, it is officially Fall 🍂), so too will the tides in my life shift. What I want and need is space, stillness, and quietness. I want to clear away the noise and things to do. I want LESS rushing, LESS proving, LESS hustle and to feel LESS fragmented. Trust me, I don’t think this will be a walk in the park – it could be as rough and choppy as the sea, but this time I will focus on better anchoring myself. ⚓️ Righting my imbalances is not an option for me – it’s necessary.
After spending an entire weekend away by the ocean, I was inspired by how transformational the waves of the ocean are – and its relevance in my own life. It is time for a “sea-change.” It is time to make space in my life – where I will not book every single day in my calendar; where I will learn to say “no;” and will make taking care of ME a priority. 🙋🏽
A sea-change is a transition, a journey from one way of living to another. It is the opportunity for me to see change in my own life.
What’s your “sea-change”?