When did it stop being ok with not be ok?

When did it stop being ok to not be ok?

 

This question has been troubling me recently.

 

To be completely transparent the last 2 weeks have been anxiety filled for me. I mean don’t want to leave my bed, crying at the drop of the hat and panicked about having a panic attack, anxiety filled.

 

I don’t do well with big life changes and right now I am in the middle of a big one. I just wrapped up my degree, which should be an exciting time for me. I did it, 4 years of school done. I went back to school at the age of 26, 3 months after separating from my husband and I had 2 small kids. There were many days I didn’t think I would get it done, but I beat the odds and did it. Don’t get me wrong I am really proud of myself but to be completely honest the last two weeks I have been terrified about what is coming next. Will I be able to support my kids? What happens next?

 

Last night as I sat and watched my eldest sons hockey I got talking to another mom who opened up to me about her struggles with anxiety as well. Our stories had a lot of parallels, our fears the same. As we were talking she said to me “ I never in a million years would have guessed out of everyone you also suffer”, I realized in that moment I need to be more honest. 

 

I am guilty of slapping on a smile and acting like everything is ok when in fact it feels like my life is falling apart in the inside. I never want people to know that I am not ok in that moment. I need to learn to be ok with not being ok.

 

With this new journey of Shattered Silence I want to be more honest. I want to speak up and give a voice to those who can’t. I want people to understand it is ok to not be ok and your not alone; together we can support each other through anything.

 

Katelyn

 

 

Shattered Silence